I pity the fools...

The A-Team
Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Rampage Jackson, Sharlto Copley
Director: Joe Carnahan
Rating: 2 and a half (out of 5)

Summary: A team of Army Rangers are double crossed in Iraq whilst on a deadly mission to recover a priceless dollar printing press and its irreplaceable plates. Convicted by military court for a crime they didn't commit they breakout and decide to discover the truth about their betrayal at the hands of a country they love...

In 2009 a crack addicted unit of screenwriters decided to settle in and write a remake of a goofy tv show which is looked at through the rose tinted glasses of twenty somethings nostalgic about everything that happened in a god awful decade despite not being born yet. Today, wanted by the film going public for crimes against cinema they survive as screenwriters of fortune, if no one else can help, and if you can find them maybe you can simply ditch the idea and produce something original this summer.

The A-Team follows a glut of recent Hollywood action films that simply pound the audience into submission with CGI action sequences and ear splitting sound. In fact, I came out of the auditorium feeling like my head had been smashed against the floor for two hours. It is without doubt the loudest film I have seen in years, to the point where you would become worried for your own health if you stay a minute longer.

Health warnings continue because if you need ear protectors for the sound then you'll most likely need a lobotomy for the overly convoluted and hackneyed plot which doesn't know whether it wants to be a homage to the ridiculous, silly set pieces of the original TV series or a serious, sombre tone akin to the Bourne movies. It's at its most successful when it attempts the former, with the duo of Bradley Cooper and Sharlto Copley able to display their comedic talents, and even Liam Neeson able to growl a few throw away gags with conviction.

This schizophrenic pacing is perfectly embodied in Rampage Jackson as the iconic B.A. Baracus, who screams "fool" and "i ain't gettin' in no plane!" with gusto, only to shun violence, quote Ghandi and reclaim his masculinity by firing a few hundred bullets into a nameless henchman 15 minutes later.

It's not that the A Team is a mess of Clash of the Titans proportions, it's that it could have been so much more. There's a lack of courage on display, not from the team themselves, but from behind the scenes who do not which way to go with the franchise. The casting is spot on, the director has proved himself as an effective director of action and the film has the type of budget that would make a Nicaraguan warlord weak at the knees but ironically something has gone wrong at the planning stage, and as it comes together you'll neither love it or hate it - you'll simply pity it.

OUT NOW